Getforums Exclusive Quotes & Jokes of the day.

RULES

1.) NO Foul Language is to be used in YOUR posts.
2.) Your posts MUST be in the English Language.
3.) PLEASE ONLY use this topic for your ( Quotes & Jokes of the day ).

Thanks and have fun..
getforum.org

Absolutely Hilarious Computer Quotes

1. "If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

2. "The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

3. "Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

4. "unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list.

5. "If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

6. "The more I C, the less I see."

7. "To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

8. "After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

9. "If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

10. "Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."

11. "Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

12. "COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

1.) Remember, never ask a geek “why”; just nod your head and back away slowly…

2.) One for the admin here: Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

3.) The software said it requires Windows XP or better, so I installed Linux.

4.) A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history… with the possible exception of handguns and tequila.

This is a PM from a Troubled Member:

Dear Getforum Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
NOW I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled Getforum User.

70 Ways To Tell You’ve Been Online Too Long

1. Tech Support calls “YOU” for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL”.

3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to
your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so “we can hang out”.

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You’ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-
face.

8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

9. You go into labor and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone
know you’re going to be away.

10. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

11. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or
complete sentences.

12. You have met over 100 AOLers.

13. You begin to say “heh heh heh” instead of laughing.

14. When someone says “What did you say?” you reply “Scroll up!”

15. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.

16. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won’t know
you’re on-line again.

17. You know more about your AOL friends’ daily routines than you do
your own spouses.

18. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they
complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.

19. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to
your own.

20. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from
partying too much than the truth (online all night).

21. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your
own profile to see who you are.

22. Your kids are standing at your side saying, “Mommy, please come and
cook” dinner and you would rather type another “LOL”.

23. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at
the same time.

24. You won’t work at a job that doesn’t have a modem involved.

25. Your dog leaves you.

26. You have to ask what year it is.

27. You write a letter like this.. “dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well I gotta
go bbl!”

28. You name your pets after people you talk to.

29. You smile sideways…

30. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on
their buddy list.

31. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore
button handy.

32. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

33. Your significant other kisses your neck while you’re chatting & you
think “uh oh cyber sex perv”.

34. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more
than a few hours.

35. You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one he he he).

36. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

37. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

38. Your worse comeback to a bully is “I’ll slap ya w/a rubber chicken!”

39. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee.

40. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

41. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL’s welcome
screen.

42. You don’t know where the time has gone.

43. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by
hand.

44. You get up at 2am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer
instead.

45. You don’t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

46. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/((hugs)) or **kisses**.

47. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and
lemme.

48. Your voicemail/answering machine message is “BRB, leave your s/n &
I will TTYL”.

49. You type faster than you think.

50. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing
therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

51. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

52. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

53. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up
your TV screen at the end of a movie.

54. People say, “If it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes &
fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!”

55. You dream in “text”.

56. Being called a Newbie is a “MAJOR” insult.

57. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you’re really
bored.

58. You don’t want to leave in case you miss something.

59. You double click your TV remote.

60. You can now type over 70wpm.

61. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

62. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else &
say “BRB” or “BBL”.

63. You check your Email and forget you have real mail aka snail mail.

64. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

65. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to
everyone in a room.

66. You stop speaking in full sentences.

67. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended
up “giving” tech support to other AOLers.

68. You have to be pried from your computer by the “Jaws of Life”.

69. You know what a “snert” is.

70. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
to check your mail” & while there you “just wanted to see who was
online”.

Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.